My Morning Adventure

I am sitting here with an hour to spare before I head out to Terre Haute to see my pal Dusty and I thought I'd share a story which happened to me this morning.

I have titled it the "The Naked Poop in Butt Crime Fighter."

Also, I'm officially eleven years old.

You ready?

Here we go.

On mornings when I take showers (seeing as I usually take showers at night), I have a routine to which I follow most of the time. First thing I always do is drop the morning deuce and seeing as I'm going to be hopping in the shower after I'm done, I usually do it naked.

I won't go into details on this morning's B.M. (everything seemed healthy though for those who might worry), but as I was finishing up, a burst of wind blew underneath the bathroom door. I didn't know what could have caused it besides our door being open. On top of that, I hear our alarm beeping as if someone has opened said door. I wait to hear for Ami turning it off because she had already been back home once this morning and I thought she had forgotten something else.

I never hear her turn it off.

So, I start freaking out. I immediately turn off the fan in the bathroom and listen. The front door is definitely wide open and I think someone is in the house. On top of that, I'm afraid the cats have run out. So, without thinking, I rush out of the bathroom to confront the problem.

I see the door wide open, Sienna (our bigger cat) staring at the open door, and our alarm squealing like crazy. I turn off the alarm, shut the door, and turn to face the apartment. "Is anyone in here?" I yell with my unwiped ass and bare balls swinging between my legs.

Now, I want you to think about that for a moment. Think about that image. If you were a robber and you broke into someones apartment only to find a panicked and chubby naked man who didn't even think to wipe his ass before he confronted you, what would you think? If I was that burglar, I would be afraid that this man somehow broke free from some sort of constraints and was going to rape me. I'm sure I looked fucking crazy seeing how panicked I was and that my dong was swinging free for all to see. Maybe that's what I'll always do if I hear someone breaking in? Maybe it's a great deterrent?

What was going through my head at the time? I don't know. I just knew I was afraid of losing one of our cats or, even worse, my HD television. So, I was going to fucking fight the fuckers who broke in Nikolai from EASTERN PROMISES style. Though, it would have probably looked less cool and would have ended with me threatening to wipe poo on them.

Luckily, no one had broken in. The door just wasn't latched well enough and the strong winds we've been having today blew it open. Everything and everyone was safe and sound.

Then I began to think to myself, "Wait...I only saw one cat at the door. Did Zora run out?! I don't see her anywhere!"

I decided it would be best to clean myself up and put on some clothes before I might have to run outside to retrieve a runaway cat. I go to the bathroom, wipe up, put on a robe, and look around the house one last time. Luckily for me, she was scared into hiding under our bed. I don't know if it was the fact that the wind had blew open our door, the alarm was squealing real loud, or if she had seen me naked and wanted to get away from the sight. Whatever it may be, she was safe in the apartment.

Thus, I threw off my robe, shook my genitals about, and did some lunges before jumping in the shower.

The Naked Poop in Butt Crime Fighter had stopped the evildoers once again!

Fin.